The Light of my Life
by Kat the DragonQueen
Summary: CL. Cloud's finally out of Hades' contract, and gets sent back to Traverse town to find his light. But, will his light be the person he expected, or someone he's never even met before?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello to all!** This is my first attempt at a Kingdom Hearts fic, so don't be too harsh, please. Enjoy the read, and tell me what you think, kay?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the characters involved in this fic.

**Warning: **Light swearing. Leon/Cloud action in later chapters.

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Mako eyes shifted over the shabby town, taking in his surroundings carefully and analytically. An Accessory shop, and Item shop, a mail box with a face… The man shuddered, shaking his head. The fact of the matter is, well, the blonde armor-clad warrior was stuck here. _Stuck, ha._ He thought, running a pale hand through his bright hair, only to have it stick right back out as it had been. _It's better than the Coliseum, that's for sure… _He then sighed, walking towards the middle of the town from the world's exit, the blood colored cape trailing behind him carelessly. "Traverse town… Hn." He took a look at the people just standing around, plus a little white and red moogle, the couple of misplaced trees, then to the sky. It was night out, so the stars were dimly alight through the light pollution of the town. _Pretty… It's nice to finally get out of that dump…_ His thoughts led to the fresh memory of how he had gotten here.

**_The blonde walked up to the Coliseum gates, eyes narrowed and movements quick. "Hades!" He called for the blue god, stopping just in front of the entrance. His hands were both fisted at his sides tightly as he awaited the god of the dead to appear. "Hades, come out here!" _**

**_"Yeah, yeah, what do ya want, blondie?" Hades answered his calls, appearing behind him, cleaning out one of his ears with his pinky. He spun around, facing Hades with a look of distaste. _You asshole… _He snarled with the thought, straightening and then arching his back for intimidation. He walked to the god with long, elegant, but quick strides, then reached out with his brass claws, grabbing Hades robes so the taller being could come down to the man's eye level. The claws tore through part of the robe, but effectively made it so Hades had to lean with the grip he had. _**

**_"I've done _everything_ you've asked me to. It's time for you to keep your part of the bargain. Take me to my light." The blonde demanded, faces only inches away from Hades. Hades pushed him away, waving his hands in front of him._**

"_**Whoa, whoa, whoa, kiddo. Don't worry, I've got it all figured out." The god placed a hand on the warrior's shoulder, leaning over as he led him to the world exit. "You want your light?" He snapped. "You've got it. I'll just send you to the world and we'll go from there, okay?" They stopped in front of the doors to leave this world. **_

"…" The blonde was skeptical, but desperate. "Fine." The black, feathery wing on his back twitched lightly.

"Good. Once you find your 'light' your wing will disappear and the contract is over with. Have fun." Hades opened the door, practically pushing the warrior out into the portal.

Just like that, he arrived here, in Traverse town. If he walked back out the exit without a gummi ship, he'd just end up transporting back here. He had tried it at the Coliseum, many, _many_ times… All to no avail. Working at the Coliseum for Hades had been hell. Even though he completed his missions easily, he had had shitty living arrangements and hadn't eaten a decent meal in a good year. He blinked as he looked at the sky, breathing in deeply. Maybe things would be different here… Once he found what he was looking for… Hearing some different voices out of the otherwise quiet town, he blinked again, looking to where the voices were coming from. Three people were walking towards the Accessory Shop, straight ahead of him, two of them chatting excitedly about something or other and carrying some brown paper bags full of groceries. The two talking were both female, and very familiar looking to the blonde. One of them had short, straight black hair, and was wearing a very small green T-shirt and jean shorts with black suspenders. The other was wearing a very simple pink button up dress, her hair in three different braids, her bangs first defying gravity, then falling downwards, framing her face nicely. Cloud froze, his breath catching in his throat. _A… Aeris?_ The other walking with the group was forgotten.

Aeris was smiling, then glanced over as something caught her eye. She dropped her bags as her bright green eyes met those glowing Mako eyes of the blonde. Yuffie stopped talking, following Aeris's gaze to the man. Her eyes widened as her face lit up. "Cloud!" She squealed, fisting her hands as she ran up to him with ninja speed and skill. "You're alive!" She jumped on him, wrapping her arms awkwardly around his neck over the armor and cape. His eyes wide, he smiled, laughing. His arms made their way around her, hugging tightly as Aeris and another man made their way to them. "I can't believe it, I thought we'd never see you again!" She dropped from him, smiling up at him with her hands still on his shoulders. Cloud looked at her, then glanced over to Aeris.

"Aeris…" He breathed out, smiling fully. Yuffie moved for Aeris to walk past her, smiling as the two embraced. Cloud closed his eyes, resting his head on her shoulder. It felt so good to see familiar people again… "God, I missed you…" His quiet voice tickled her ear, and she smiled.

"I did, too." She pulled back, hands on his sides, and looked him over. "You look like you haven't been eating right." She then put a hand on the side of his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheek. "And you look pale. You're cold. What have you been doing? Why are you wearing all this armor? What's with the wing?" Cloud laughed, smiling under the crimson cape.

Before he could answer, the sound of someone clearing their throat distracted both between their interaction. The third person, who was walking with them, was standing with his arms crossed, giving the two a cold look. Yuffie giggled, jumping to his side and smiling at him. Aeris also laughed softly, letting Cloud go to face the man. "By the way, Cloud, this is Squall. His world got taken by the heartless, too." Yuffie introduced, receiving a glare at the mention of his name.

"It's Leon." A soft, deep, and very monotonous voice came out of his mouth. Cloud smirked, just now "checking him out". He was a good-looking guy, with dark chocolate hair that hung loosely to about his chin, longer on the bottom and in the back. He had a scar running from his forehead across the top of his nose to his cheek, raising the question of how he had gotten it. Dark blue-gray eyes that reeked of hidden emotions stared at Cloud emotionlessly, through the loose strands of hair that hung in his face. A black leather jacket covered his arms and broad shoulders, but stopped right under his rib cage, open and showing off a simple white shirt under it. It was tucked into black leather pants, adorned with belts criss-crossing and keeping together his pant legs. On top of all that, he had combat boots and a final accessory of a silver chain necklace with a cross on it. Cloud bit the inside of his cheek, raising an eyebrow as he waited for some type of greeting from the man.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever Squall." Leon winced, giving her another cold glare. "This is our good friend Cloud. You know, the ex-SOLDIER we always talk about?" Yuffie explained to him, hands resting on her hips. Leon nodded, eyes shifting back to the blonde.

"He's kinda short to be an ex-SOLDIER, don't you think?" He deadpanned. Taken aback, Cloud first widened his eyes, and then narrowed them to a lethal glare. _What the fuck is that?_ He scowled, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. Yuffie hit Leon in the back of the head, her other hand still on her hip. Aeris laughed, probably used to this sort of behavior from the two.

"You jerk! That's no way to greet our friend!" The ninja scolded as Leon rubbed the back of his head, his gaze still on the blonde. He shrugged, crossing his arms back over his chest. Cloud still glared at the brunette, both holding eachother's gaze, neither willing to waver before the other did. Yuffie looked from Leon to Cloud, then exchanged a look with Aeris. Aeris seemed to have the same idea, so they both giggled at their little secret exchange. "You two are too alike… I swear, if you were gay you'd make an awesome couple." Aeris covered her mouth with her hand as Yuffie spoke, holding in her laughter.

Cloud broke the gaze first, his slight blush covered by the cape, thankfully for him. He looked down to the ground, not comfortable with how much eye contact he had been making with the other man. He could still feel the others gaze on him, however, which made him fidgety. He wasn't usually like this, but there was something different with Leon that just intimidated him… Kind of like with…

"We were just heading back to our little house in the Third district. You're coming and getting a decent meal at _least_. Don't you dare trying not to. You're welcome to stay with us as long as you like, also. Cid's there, too, and you know he'll be excited to see you again. There're only three rooms, though, so if you stay, you're going to have to share Leon's room. We can just get another bed tomorrow. For tonight, you can sleep on the couch." Aeris told Cloud, grabbing onto his arm and leading him to their home. Cloud smiled, thankful for her kindness. Yuffie followed at Aeris's side, and Leon fell in place behind the others, keeping quiet and to himself as they walked.

"Plus, you can tell us what you've been up to and we'll tell you what we've been doing!" Yuffie piped in. Cloud nodded.

"Thanks." He told them, his voice still quiet. Aeris looked at him and grinned, holding onto his arm tighter. He smiled, somewhat bitterly, as a scary realization came over him. As he walked, Aeris clinging to his arm, he found that his feelings had changed over the time they've been apart. He found that… He didn't really love her anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey to everyone,** again. How are you guys? Thanks for the wonderful reviews, I loved them greatly. But here is to the next chapter… Enjoy One more thing, I know in the game Aeris's name is "Aerith", but for Final Fantasy VII purposes, I'm using Aeris. **P.S. I decided to change this from third person POV to Cloud's POV, in case you're confused about the "I"s. **

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the characters involved with this story… Dammit.

**Warning:** Yaoi/guy on guy action in later chapters. CxL, and brief Cloud nudity. ;

**­­**I take my armor off over my left shoulder, and the arm bracket-like armor and the golden spiked glove off, moving my arm freely now that the restrictions were gone. I let it clunk to the floor as it slipped out of my fingers, and take off the cape afterwards, rolling my neck to crack it. Aeris had wanted me to get cleaned up while she cooked… So here I was, stripping in their bathroom, about to take a well deserved shower. Next: the hip armor connected to my belt. That's quickly discarded to the side, and I take off my other glove, move onto the belts on my pants, the boots, and then finally I'm down to my last layers. My black wing stretches out, and I sigh, knowing why it was still there. I had thought Aeris was my light, but then why didn't my wing disappear? It was partially the binding to Hades' contract, along with a tie to the darkness.

I need to find my light, but who could it be if it isn't Aeris? Even if I don't love her anymore, she's still one of my closest friends… Why wasn't she my light? Rubbing my temples for a moment, I continue stripping, taking off the black shirt and loose black pants before stepping into the shower, turning on the knobs to the right temperature for me. The whole room starting to steam up, just the way I like it, with the air thick and wet. I grab the first thing I need- shampoo- and start scrubbing my hair as it defied the laws and stood as straight as ever, even soaking wet. It drooped a bit at the ends, but otherwise was practically untouched. This bothered me to no end.

I look down at myself as I wash up, studying my body to see if anything changed. My ribs stick out a little more, but I'm still well built. _I think my dick's shrinking…_ I roll my eyes at myself, rinsing the shampoo out with a smirk. _It'll come back, just watch._ I lather up with the soap, scrubbing until I felt content with cleaning off the layers of sweat. _If only I could wash of memory like dirt and sweat… God knows there's a lot I don't want to remember…_ Next I put the soap back, rinsing off and grabbing the conditioner, squirting some into my hand and rubbing it in my hair, setting the bottle back where it belongs. I have to admit, I smell a lot better now. Maybe taking a shower was a good idea on Aeris's part…

Rinsing out the last of the conditioner, I turn off the shower, stepping out of the shower carefully and grabbing a nearby towel. Suddenly, the realization that I don't have any clothes besides the ones I've been wearing for…too long, hits me. Sighing, I dry myself off, using the towel to cover my shrinking dick and my butt. I shake my head in a dog-like fashion, trying to get the insistent droplets of water to stop clinging to it. Satisfied with being decently covered up, I exit the bathroom, No one's in the living room, so I head to the kitchen, finding Leon and Yuffie playing cards at the kitchen table while Aeris was up cooking.

The kitchen was kind of dingy and bare, not to mention not very well lit. A little lantern-like light hung from the ceiling, lighting the room up in orange just enough so you could see clearly, but you couldn't really get any fine details out of it. It was clean, for the most part, and the worst thing about it was the cracked white paint on the walls. I have this thing where I just wanted to peel off all the cracked paint, but I know I can't, so I restrain myself. Luckily for them… I clear my throat, trying to gain their attention. Yuffie and Aeris look up and start blushing horribly, while Leon has this cool stare. _Is it just me, or is the bridge of his nose turning pink..?_ "Oh, dear…" Aeris paused her stirring some sort of concoction in the pot on the stove. "You need clothes, don't you?" I nod, my wing twittering a bit. She covers her face in embarrassment with one hand. "I'm so sorry… Leon, could you-" Before she even finishes he stands up, walking rigidly as he brushes past me purposely. I watch him walk down the hallway, looking as if I had been offended by the brush by, but in reality I was just watching the way he moved as he walked. It was hypnotizing, in a way, and I couldn't keep my eyes from it…

Yuffie laughed, making me turn my attention away from the hallway. "What?" I ask her, my eyebrows both pushing together. She looked at me with a devious smile, giggling even more.

"Nothing." Her smile grew. "I just think it's funny the way you watched him." There was a glint in her eyes. I didn't say more, just gave her the "you-have-no-clue-what-you're-talking-about" look. She giggled again, barely containing her grin this time. Aeris just turned back to her pot on the stove, stirring contently, but still blushing. As I stand, I stare at a spot on the old partially rotted kitchen cabinet. A spot that looked like there was a stain of some sort, it was a darker color, maybe red or brown. It wasn't big, but it was noticeable enough for my eye. That isn't saying much, though, since my eyes don't miss anything.

I glanced back up when I heard a door open in the direction Leon had went in. He was standing next to me now, stone eyes staring hard into my skull as he held out the assorted clothes for me. I was surprised to see him so close so soon, so I turned to him, both eyebrows raised, and took the clothes from his arms. He smirked, taking pleasure in the slight weakness I showed. "They should fit you, but they may be too long." He told me, one eyebrow quirked as I averted his gaze once again. He had the upper hand and he knew it, which drove me mad beyond reason. How he had gotten that upper hand, though, I have no clue. I may be submissive, but I'll be damned if I give into him without a fight.

"Thanks." I mutter, before brushing past him defiantly to change into something more appropriate. I heard more of Yuffie's giggling as I entered back into the bathroom, and snickered, knowing he must have been watching me walk away as well. _Well, at least I know I'm not the only one, now._ The clothes are… Interesting, per say. A plain black turtleneck, but it fit rather tightly, and a pair of grey sweats that hung loosely off my frame, covering half of my foot in the process. No underwear, which in a way disturbed me, but I got over it quickly. I fixed my hair in the mirror, and dried my face more, then discarded the towel and moved to the kitchen once again.

Everyone was seated with plates in front of them, an empty space and a plate set aside for me, I assumed. Yuffie and Aeris looked up and greeted me with warm smiles, but _Leon_ ate without even recognizing any of his surroundings. His eyes were fixed on his plate. _That brat…_ I give the girls a charming smile back, taking my seat rather quietly and eating in my usual manner, somewhere in-between polite and piggish. I'm hoping it's more on the polite side of the spectrum, considering I'm in the company of two full grown women. Well… At least Aeris was a full-grown woman, there was no doubt about that.

Yuffie took a few more bites of her meal, looking to be in contemplation, then set her fork down on her plate, staring me down. I look up at her, a questioning look I suppose, awaiting her question or statement with my fork in mid air. "Cloud, where have you been all this time?" She asks in a hush, so unlike herself it scares me. I drop my fork to my plate purposely, crossing my arms on the table, setting my head on my arms as I thought. I don't know how to word this, since I haven't been doing to the most honorable work… But then again, I was talking to Yuffie, and I did work for AVALANCHE back in the day. Sighing, I look to the tablecloth, inspecting the fine weaving and crumbs resting on it.

I swallow before starting, "I… I'm not hungry." I sit back up completely, pushing myself back from the table and standing up. A high-pitched noise comes to my ears, kind of like when you're fixing a stereo station and you get mixed up signals from other places before the static. I rub my temple as Aeris and Yuffie scold me.

"What do you mean you're not hungry? Look at you, you're a stick! You need to eat!" Yuffie told me, standing up as well in over-emphasis of her point. My eye twitches slightly, and beads of sweat form on my forehead. I feel like I'm having some sort of allergic reaction to something, but I'm not sure what, or why. Aeris stands up as well, walking over to my side and placing a warm hand on my forehead. Yuffie gave a concerned look, while Leon just ate his meal, his eyes watching in half fascination, half pure and utter boredom.

I clench my teeth as the noise gets louder, both hands on my ears now. I hunch over a bit, as if that'd get rid of the noise tearing my eardrums apart. "Cloud?" Aeris asks softly, but causes me to wince. I stumble back awkwardly, back slamming against the nearest wall. It sounded like something was trying to contact me. Suddenly, a familiar, dark voice came back into my head.

"You think you got rid of me?" A cackle. "Well now… You're still a part of me, _Cloud._" The way he said my name gave me chills. It always has. "Don't think you would be rid of me forever. I'm looking for you, now that you're out of Hades' care. Don't worry, you'll see me soon enough." Another cackle, and the last thing I hear before I fade out completely is someone yelling my name. _Funny though… It sounded masculine_. And then an oblivious black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so just so you know**, the account with ecstasy later on in this chapter is based purely on what I've heard/read, and I have no real knowledge of what goes on when you take it. So please forgive me if it's not accurate, I did my best. Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate it. Besides that… Enjoy your read!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Kingdom Hearts, or any of the characters used in this fic besides made up side characters…

**Warning:** Drugs, alcohol, and forgetfulness, plus hinted CXL, and again brief Cloud nudity.

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You know how whenever someone passes out, they always wake up to have people's heads hanging over them? This case was no different. When everything faded from pure nothing to distant noises and the impression of light coming through my eyelids, I opened my eyes to reveal Yuffie and Aeris hanging over me blurrily, someone's hand on my forehead and on my rib cage. There's a light blue-green glow on their faces, more than likely coming from my unnatural eyes. I look elsewhere, moving so that I'm sitting up and so that Yuffie and Aeris back off a bit, taking their hands from me thankfully. I rub my head, closing my eyes while doing so, distressed voices finally making an appearance to my ears. "-you okay?" The last end of Yuffie's sentence.

"Cloud, what happened? Are you all right?" Aeris put her hand on the side of my face again, rubbing her thumb over my cheek. I shudder, pushing her hand away with the one that was previously on my head. My wing shakes itself out, then settles, folded behind my back. My eyes never leave the floor.

"Cloud?" His voice rang out from the others, as strange as that was. He was still near his chair, but now standing, his arms at his sides and his eyes wide. Even with what happened, I meet his eyes and smirk triumphantly. His eyes narrow and he scowls, crossing his arms over his chest again and turning away from the three of us. My eyes travel back to the floor, and I sigh. _He's really alive…_

"Cloud, tell us what happened!" Yuffie was now squatting right in front of me, over my legs, lifting my chin up to look at her face to face.

"It was _him_. Sephiroth. He's alive… He was… Is, in my head." I look down again, shaking my head. Yuffie takes a few steps back, awkwardly, and fell on her butt, staring at me with wide eyes and her mouth agape. "He's back."

"No… You're kidding." Her voice was pleading, I could tell.

"I wish I was." I told her truthfully, looking back up at them. Aeris gasped, covering her mouth with both hands as women sometimes tend to do when frightened. She seemed horrified, but really who could blame her? He had nearly killed her, back when the worlds weren't connected.

"…Who the hell are you talking about?" Leon asked, turning his head back to us. I couldn't help but meet his eyes again.

"He's… An old enemy. _Sephiroth_." I nearly shudder, even from just saying his name. There were too many bad memories attached to that… That name… "He… He's done a lot… A lot of terrible things." I explain wearily, showing vulnerability with this, I know. But it didn't matter, really. This was something I didn't mind being my weakness. After all, if Squall met him, he'd understand. Sephiroth was an extremely big deal. "He lit my town on fire, and he… Nearly killed Aeris."

"…" His stare was blank, and he didn't take his eyes of me, which was a bit unnerving. I took my gaze to Aeris, keeping down a blush I could feel rising. It's just the intense look he gave me… It nearly made me shudder. It was like… The kind of look a predator gives its prey right before it leaps into action, thriving on potential energy.

"Why do you think he came back?" Aeris asks me, her arms now hugging herself. "What else could he do?"

"I don't know. The last time he was looking for the Promised Land, but now… There is no Promised Land, our world is gone. There's no reason for him to try anything. Unless…" Yuffie looked from Aeris back to me.

"…He's after me…" I conclude, looking between Aeris and Yuffie, trying my best to resist the temptation of looking at Squall. "He has to be, there's no other reason. He wants me…" I see Squall raise an eyebrow out of my peripheral vision. My wing twitches slightly.

"Oh, no. This isn't good." Aeris ran her hand through her bangs. "What do we do?"

"We should go, somewhere small, remote… You know, like a small world no one's ever heard of. Cid can build us a gummy ship… We should just go." Yuffie suggested in a frenzy, now standing up and pacing. I shake my head.

"No. You should go, I'll stay. I'm the one he wants, I'll face him." A laugh echoed throughout my head, causing me to wince. Yuffie began to speak, but a voice inside my head over rode her voice.

"_Tell them to stay._" The voice inclined in a smooth, powerful, whispered tone. The glow in my eyes grew intensity, and in a smug, unusual tone I did as it told unwillingly.

"Stay with me." I stand up, in no control of my body whatsoever. Inside, I was panicking beyond belief, but outside, I was cool and calm, even a bit cocky and rather graceful. It scares the shit out of me. _He's_ controlling me. I can feel him inside me, his presence, his thoughts… His feelings… "Running would only provoke a chase, and there's no doubt that he'd win that. If we stay, and we fight, that's the only way we can ever have a chance of winning." I meet Leon's eyes, and this time I can't look away. _He knows… Shit. _"_Of course I know. I'm in your head._" I feel myself smirk at Leon, and I make my way over to him. I'm scared of what he'll make me do. I really am.

"Cloud… What are you doing?" I turn to Aeris, her still sitting on the ground. She looked frightened, and I really couldn't blame her. She saw right through me now, she saw who it really was. "Your not Cloud." She convicted, now standing up. My smirk grew, and I stood even more upright.

"Now what gives you that idea?" His words, through my mouth, coming out of my body in my voice. This was starting to piss me off. A fire began welling up inside of me, trying to fight off the foreign invader controlling my every move. The smirk began to fade as he began to realize that I was fighting back. "_I wouldn't so that if I were you. This is your body… Not mine._" As if to demonstrate, he looked at my hand, stretching out the fingers and turning it over so the palm was facing up. "_Whatever happens won't hurt me… But you'll suffer the side affects. Like so._" He then proceeded to raise my arm above my head, and slam my wrist down on the corner of the table. A loud cracking sound is heard throughout the kitchen, along with the slam of the table and the shaky legs hitting the tiled floor. Aeris gasped, while Yuffie covered her eyes. The only response from Leon was a raised eyebrow, and wincing when the actual deed was done. Inside I was screaming, but Sephiroth had no response to that. He just smirked, examining the wrist that was now swelling black and blue, with a minor cut from the edge of the table. The blood trailed from the cut to drip off the side, droplets landing on my bare feet and the floor. "Sorry about that. I needed to make a point to my host, he seemed to have trouble understanding a little concept."

"You sick freak!" Yuffie exclaimed, fists at her sides. "What are you doing?"

My voice accumulated a sickening, sadistic laugh, _his_ laugh. "Well I came to give you a message, but it seems that this one's unwilling to have me use him for a bit. What a shame." He smirked. "He'll just have to get used to the occasional commandeering." He put both my hands behind my back, and began pacing back and forth, tilting his head forward as if in deep thought. Of course, my left hand, the one he had smacked, throbbed with pain in protest of this action, but he didn't feel it. Nor did he care. "I came… Well not exactly came… But I'm here to give you a warning. If you leave, I will hunt you all down and kill every last one of you. Stay here, or I promise you you'll regret it." And with that, he abruptly left. Leaving questions unanswered and people unsettled, he gave me back full control of my body, and any feeling of his presence was gone. Taking a moment to regain any kind of thought or focus, I stand completely still, ignoring the throbbing and the shooting pains in my wrist.

Again, I do something I know I'll regret. Paying no mind to my wrist or the others around me, I let out this guttural, animalistic cry of frustration and anger, and then slam both my fists down on the table, my eyes watering from the welling pain now striking me once again. My wing frays out and shudders with the blow. The dark fiery energy of pure and total hatred consumes me, over the pain, over the reality of everything in the room. _I hate him…_ The voices of the others drowned out by the grinding of my teeth, and my heavy breathing, I hate him with every inch, every molecule, every single part of me in existence. It's like he's an infectious disease that tears you apart slowly and then makes you have to watch all your loved ones die as slowly and as painfully as you are.

"C-Cloud?" Aeris placed a hand on my shoulder gently. "You really should tend to your wrist."

"My wrist?" I snort. "I need to tend to my god damn head." I shake my head, heading towards the bathroom yet again. This is one of those never ending matters.

Three weeks went by rather quickly, at least for my taste. It only took about two days to settle in, with new clothes and a bed and everything. Not bad, if I say so myself. I had quite a normal routine, too. Wake up, shower, stretching, I'd go out somewhere for training, lunch, more training or just free time, and then dinner, cleaning, and finally sleep. My wrist had healed up nicely too, and quickly thank god. It wasn't quite broken, but whatever it was hurt like a bitch. Today though, Yuffie had convinced us all to go out to a local club. How? I really can't remember. Something about loosening up… Ha. I can't even begin to imagine how she had Leon agree to go.

So here I was, standing in front of a mirror in my bedroom, getting ready to go…Out… for the first time in my life. Needless to say, I hope what I'm wearing is good enough. It should be, after all… I'm not exactly a dud. I'm at ease with the way I look. A black tank top, a sort of worn out jean jacket, and jeans that Yuffie had picked out for me when we had gone shopping. My hair a mess, as it's always been. My wing was kept hidden under the jean jacket, thankfully. It was fine.

A soft knock on the door came before Leon's head appeared while opening the door a crack. "Ready?" He asked, in a soft monotone as usual. I look over my shoulder at him, nodding. "Then come on. We're waiting." He left, leaving the door open. I sigh, rolling my eyes and running my hand through my hair before turning off the lights and heading down the stairs into the living room, where Yuffie, Aeris, and now Leon were waiting. Yuffie smiled at me, her face now glittering with make up. Aeris also gave me a charming smile of hers, blushing slightly. She still doesn't realize that I don't love her. Maybe it's my fault for not telling her… But I never told her I loved her in the first place, either. Hm. That's quite a predicament.

Leon looked me up and down from the corner of his eye. He's been doing that a lot lately, studying me in a sense. It's kind of creepy, in a good way. I enjoy it in the sickest way you could imagine. Well, maybe not quite the sickest… But damn is it weird. "All right, now that Cloud's ready, let's go!" Yuffie chirped, smiling brightly. She stood up, pulling down her short black miniskirt to smooth it out. Aeris followed suit, in something a bit more reserved, of course. What looked like a short, red, yet classy cocktail dress that ended right up above her knee, and fit her lovely form nicely. Her hair was pulled up as always, and she added a touch of make up, but not as overly done as Yuffie's. Aeris had more of a subtle beauty, while Yuffie had an outgoing completely out there beauty to her. They were both very, very attractive… _What is wrong with me? I have two gorgeous women within reach that I could have, and yet… I just… Don't want them. _

They lead the way out, myself following after Aeris, and Leon following behind me. We walked to the gate, the girls chattering as I walked behind them and to the left side, while Leon stood slightly behind me and to the right. I had my hands in my pockets, staring out to the side or at the sky, trying to think. _Tonight, tonight something's going to happen. I can feel it._

The club is pretty much what I expected it to be: Packed and loud. Music was playing in

the background, the stereotypical techno that I suppose is easier to dance to, or something. Smoke, the smell of liquor, and sweat were all hanging in the air, as pungent as you'd expect in such a small space for so many people. A mass of bodies twisted and pumped to the underlying beat, creating an orgy of frenzied dancing of high and unkempt messes of beings we call people.

Yuffie immediately went to join the mass, jumping in front of the best looking guy she could find. Aeris, on the other hand, got asked to dance almost as soon as she walked in, and so was whisked away by a charming handsome stranger. That left Leon and I, the least willing of the group, to fend for ourselves in this foreign environment. He looked at me at the same time I looked at him, and we both came to a silent agreement. We had no idea what the fuck we were supposed to do. I take one more look around, spotting a somewhat hidden bar through the crowd, and make my way towards it, gesturing for Leon to follow. He did obediently, and I smirked, shifting my way through the crowd, getting more then a few lustful looks.

Reaching the bar, I sit down, Leon sitting next to me. "You got money?" He asks me, whether to see if I'd pay for him or if I needed some myself, I don't know. I nod, getting out my wallet for good measure. He smirks, getting out his also. "Good." I smirk also, just a bit though. Maybe tonight would lead somewhere…

"What do you boys want?" The bartender, a rather young well-endowed girl with long curly blonde hair and bright green eyes asks us, winking with a black outlined eye. Her skin was fair and freckled, and she was thin and graceful as she walked. One can only wonder why they had hired her…

"I'd like whatever you've got to give me." I tell her with a charming smile and a smooth tone, resting both arms on the table in front of me and leaning forward in interest. Hell, maybe I could get a free drink out of this. Her smile intensified as she turned to Leon.

"And you?" Her brows rose, and her lips were pursed in a knowing manner.

"Rum and coke." Leon's curt answer, his voice husky and resounding. The waitress nodded, smiling so her white teeth were showing.

"Coming right up!" She chirped, winking as she walked by me. I turn back to see the crowd of people, watching them in an observant manner, learning how you're supposed to be, I suppose. Maybe halfway looking for Yuffie and Aeris, to make sure they're all right. I really don't know. It doesn't matter, does it? I look over to Leon, catching his eyes for a mere second before he turned away from me, looking in the opposite direction. An eyebrow rises in question, and I keep my gaze on him. _What's with this… Strange behavior…_ Images of the times over the few weeks I had had awkward moments with Leon. A few times on the couch while watching movies, a few times in the kitchen, him walking by my room… Quite a few times actually… Maybe I should say something… "Here you are!" Of course, the bartender. I turn to her, turning on my charm again.

"Glad to have you back." I say, taking my drink. It was translucently bright blue, and in a regular glass with a little pink paper umbrella coming out of the large yellow straw. She winks at me, holding out her manicured hand.  
"Here, it's a specialty. It's on the house, don't worry about paying." She smiled as I took what she had offered, not looking to see what it was until she was attending to other customers at the bar. When I opened my palm, there sat two small white chalky pills, little black 'E's printed on them. Oh joy.

"…You gonna use it?" Leon questioned, meeting my eyes timidly as he spoke. A smirk adorns my lips, and I shrug.

"Why the hell not? You want one?" I offer, holding one in-between my pointer and my ring finger to give to him. He takes it, our hands brushing each other quickly, and examined it as if it were a strange foreign object. I smile a ghost of a smile, pocketing the pill in my hand for now. "It could be interesting."

"..." He does the same, hand lingering in his pocket longer than necessary. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, taking his drink and downing about half of it. I grasp the blue concoction she had given me, dragging it in front of me and leaning in to smell it, the scent masquerading in the air. Fruity, with the strong tinge of alcohol. I shrug slightly, raising it to my lips and drinking a good portion. It burned like all hell going down my throat, but the aftertaste was something like tropical punch, just a bit toned down. I then proceed to pinch my nose with my free hand, to rid of the stinging smell, and downing the rest of it in one drink.

Setting the glass back down with a clunk, I stand up, glancing at Leon (who, in turn, had his grey stare on me again) before heading off into the mob of people dancing in the center of the club. The crowd was lively, to say the least, and everyone grabbed the nearest person, grinding in a combustion to release some of the tension in their lives. Sad, and sickening really, I felt revulsion as I went to join them, pairing up with the nearest partner. But then again, who am I to judge? I don't know these people, what they go through, why they're here. Maybe they're like me, desperately seeking a release from this eccentric way of living. Maybe not. It doesn't matter anyway.

I lost my senses to the friction of one body moving against another, lost my head to the beat of the music, I was one with everything around me and nothing mattered more than that at the moment. I couldn't even tell if my eyes were opened or closed, not that it mattered. I think if I bashed into somebody, it'd be better than any orgasm I've ever experienced. It's funny, what something so tiny as an ecstasy pill can do to you. It was wonderfully fabricated, and intensity of the bliss of everything just made things seem so much better than they were. I didn't know who I was dancing with, but I grabbed them, groped them, even licked their neck just to see what it was like, how it would taste, the feeling of soft smooth skin on my taste buds… Everything was so intensified and dulled at the same time… It was the most I've ever felt, but at the same time the least I could ever feel… Something like a fantasy. I laugh in a maniacal way, and everything around me seems to go faster, and then slower, and then faster, and then slower again…

And then everything blurred together, like it was all one event within the whole night. Random faces stood out to me, including Aeris, and Yuffie, but most of all Leon's… And then there were a few faces from the crowd, but no one I really knew, or could name. Tons of lights, movement, random flashes of nude body parts (which I couldn't understand), and then this blank state of seemingly nothing.

The next day was like waking the day after a tragedy. You weren't sure what to expect, or if you even remembered everything correctly, and it all came back to you as kind of a shock. When I awoke, I was laying on my back on the living room floor of the small house I was staying at with the others, completely naked and laying in a puddle of what I assumed to be, from the smell, piss. My wing was sprawled out to the left of me, the feathers messed up and shedding rather grossly. The light from the large window I was facing stabbed at my eyes while they were closed, causing me to slowly and harshly come back from the night before. Every time I blink there's a flash of something that had happened, and I stare out the blinding window until my eyes were completely adjusted and I remembered almost every horror.

Movement came from the hallway leading to the different rooms, so I turn my head in that direction, finding Leon emerging from the shadow into the living room light, bare clad in blue, black, and grey plaid boxers. He looks down on me, his eyes squeezed together slightly as if adjusting from the light, then his eyes immediately get wide and his mouth opens a bit. That lasted a split second though, and then his eyes narrow again and a stern emotionless, if not aggravated expression comes to his face. "Get some clothes on." His rich, enticing voice reaches my ears, and I can't help but wonder if I still am a bit high. He walks into the kitchen, but I swear I could see a slight blush in his cheeks. Sitting up, I look around me, wondering what the hell I had gotten into exactly this time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again.** I hope you enjoy this, also, but sorry for the wait. ;; Bad times. But yeah, this one's a bit odd. But enjoy. D

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own anything.

**Warning:** Definite male/male action.

* * *

I scrub myself again, this time harder, trying to rid myself of the memories of last night, not to mention the smell of urine. Everything I had done had come back to me in flashes, and most I wish I didn't remember. -Leon and I, in the alleyway by the club, both naked, both… inexplicably in pleasure…- I shudder, scrubbing myself faster this time. _Disgusting…_ I couldn't feel dirtier even if I tried. My wing twittered under the spray of water. _Did we really… Did I… Did he take the ecstasy? Or was it…_ I sigh, dropping the washcloth I was using into the bathtub, letting my body get rinsed off finally. _It was the drugs… It had to be…_ -Leon and I, in the club, grinding and kissing wildly in public, probably within eyeshot of the others.- "What the fuck did we do…" I mutter to myself, taking the shampoo bottle and squirting some into my hair. _But damn, did it feel good at the time._ Lather. _Even so, it was dirty, and utterly wrong._ Rinse._ Which, on the other hand, makes it more exciting…_ Conditioner. _But, it was Leon!_ Wait a few minutes. _I can't deny that I find him attractive… But…_ Rinse. _I would never go that far… Would I?_

I turn off the shower, standing a moment in the tub while dripping, my arms limp at my sides. I feel the water running down my body still, in little rivulets. The water drips off my hair onto my back and shoulders, sliding in a path that eventually led to the bathtub. Taking a big breath, I step out of the tub onto a shag rug, grabbing a big white towel from the towel rack to my right. _Another entry in a collection of regrettable memories… Great. Like I don't have enough to dwell on already…_

_I wonder if he remembers…_ _The way he looked when he saw me in the living room, it doesn't seem like it… I guess I'll have to ask him. How awkward._ I dry off, shaking my head and wing at the same time, so that the water splashes everywhere instead of staying in my hair. Then I pull on my boxers, loose gray sweat pants, and a white tank top with a special hole for my wing, the towel I used to dry off with now resting on my shoulders, soaked. I look in the foggy mirror, wiping off a portion of it in a circle with my towel, and then grabbed my toothbrush off the counter of the sink. Water. Toothpaste. Brush teeth. Spit. Brush more. Spit again. Rinse off toothbrush. The type of things you can do without thinking. I appreciated that, especially now. The last thing I wanted to do was think… Thinking was remembering.

-Leon and I, in the living room… Rampantly ravishing each other… On the floor, on the couch, in the kitchen, in the bathroom… The girls were blissfully unaware we had even left the club.- I shudder, taking one last look in the mirror before exiting the steamy bathroom. I felt disgusted with myself, and the entire house I was living in. I timidly walk through the hallway, halfway in fear of meeting up with Leon in the living room. Of course, the kitchen would be just as bad… Possibly worse. So, to the kitchen, or to the living room? _Which would be worse? Well, I'll find out. To the kitchen. I already cleaned up the living room, anyway. And I'm hungry_.

When I enter the window lit kitchen, taking a quick look around I find that he isn't there. Letting out a breath I didn't know I had held, I take a seat at the table, looking at the dust floating in through a sunbeam coming from the window. I rest my arms on the hard table, using one of my palm's to prop up my head_. God, how could I make such a stupid mistake_? I sigh, biting my bottom lip in thought. _Damn… Just… Damn_… Run a hand through my messy, still wet hair_. This is going to turn out bad… I can feel it_.

After about an hour of staring into nothing, Aeris awoke and took me out of my stupor. "Cloud? Why are you awake so early?" She asks me, walking out in a bright pink bathrobe, her hair still wet from a shower.

"I couldn't sleep." I lie easily, running a hand through my hair. My wing stretches out, fixing itself so it was more comfortable. "When did you get home last night?"

"Oh…Around three." She tells me, casually. She then went to the cupboards, going through to find ingredients for a good breakfast. "But I thought I should make everyone a good breakfast."

"Three?" I raise an eyebrow. "Wow, I expected you guys to be back at 11." I say seriously. She shakes her head, smiling.

"Although… We did come home to a rather odd scene…" She admits, setting aside a big bowl, a wooden spoon, and a box of Bisquick pancake mix. "We… Weren't exactly sure what to make of it…" My eyes widen, and my heart started thumping faster. "Cloud… Why were you laying in the living room…" She blushes brightly, unable to finish the question. I advert my eyes from her back, blushing lightly. My whole body was trembling.

"I guess I passed out…" It wasn't a lie, I really did pass out. "After streaking…" That did the trick. To me, it was humorous, but Aeris ate it up.

"You went streaking?" She turns to me, her sparkling green eyes wide and her face an even deeper red. I open my mouth to say something, but I was interrupted.

"…You're kidding." A smooth, deep voice came from behind me. Aeris's eyes shifts to the owner of the voice, and she smiles brightly.

"Thank you Leon, I appreciate your help." She walks over to him, and I hear a rustling of paper bags. I don't bother to look, but my fists clench. Must be nerves. Aeris walks back to the counters, setting three bags on them and taking the contents out. I hear two footsteps behind me before a hand rests gently on my shoulder. He leans over to meet my level, speaking softly into my ear. My wing rustles with the sensation.

"Come with me. We need to talk." He tells me. I don't look at him, but I turn my head a little in his direction and nodded curtly, standing up as his hand slipped off. I take a quick look at my attire and shrug, turning to Aeris once again.

"We'll be back." I head towards the door now, looking at Leon but not meeting his eyes.

"Cloud, wait!" She calls out, making me stop in my tracks. I wait for her to continue, my eyes scanning the room in front of me. "…Be careful, please." Why she had added that, I don't know, but I smirk, closing my eyes in a sarcastic response.

"When am I ever careful?" This causes her to sigh, and I can just see her shaking her head and smiling.

"You know I always worry about you." She tells me, a touch of sadness hidden beneath the light tone. I scowl slightly, but turn my to the left, looking at her from the corner of my eye.

"Don't." Short, sweet, and to the point. I left without another word, not even bothering to put on shoes as I headed out the front door. Wherever Leon wanted to take me couldn't be too far away. Speaking of him… I stop to wait for him to come out also, since _he_ was supposed to be leading _me_ somewhere. He comes out within moments, silently and quickly walking to take the lead, both hands in the pockets of his jeans. I follow, avoiding stepping on gravel or broken glass left on the cobblestone roads.

I never realized how wrong I could be about where he was taking me. It turned out he lead me right out of the city, to a more suburban area that was forested and a lot cleaner than the city. Of course, it took a good hour and 45 minutes to walk there, in rough estimation since I didn't own a watch. We even went into one of the local parks, into the middle where there was a big open area full of wildflowers and tall grass. He stopped in the middle, and I stopped behind him, facing his back anxiously. His hands were still in his pockets, and his head was dipped down as if he were in deep thought. His head turned to me, his eyes meeting mine for a moment before I tore my gaze away. That seemed to upset him, and he turned his full body to face me, stepping a few feet closer. I look at him wide eyed, moving one foot back and leaning my weight on that foot to shift my body back. From that, I regain my dignity, narrowing my eyes and crossing my arms, changing my stance to one I had learned in SOLDIER… Or thought I had, anyway.

"You remember." He spoke, his eyes burning into mine. Again I look away, hanging my head a bit. _Yes, how could I not?_ I nod, and hear a small noise come from his throat. What it meant, I wasn't sure. A few more moments of silence, and then he spoke up again. "Let's spar. One on one, no weapons. Got it?" His voice was now a monotone, rid of the emotions I had heard just moments ago. I look up to him out of surprise, instead of meeting his eyes focusing on his scar, and nod, getting in a defensive stance. He takes a few steps back and follows suit, but first discards his leather jacket. A few tense seconds, and then I leap into action, trying to go for a low kick to catch him off balance, but he counters by jumping up and kicking me in the side of the head. And yet somehow, I was loving it.

I caught myself, pushing myself up quickly with the help of my wing and dodging a few new attacks from Leon. When he tries to punch my face I catch his fist, taking the momentum he has and using it against him by pushing it to the side, his whole body moving towards me while I knee him in the groin. He doubles over, giving me a chance to elbow him in the spine and knock him over. He doesn't even cry out. I stand above him, slightly panting as I wait for him to get back up again. Surely enough, he recovers rather quickly and we carry on with our battle.

I fall to the ground, exhausted from our exhilarating practice. My limbs all sprawl out around me. It was a good fight, I had to say, but I just can't go any longer. _Leon's a tough guy_. Once he sees I'm down for good, he walks to my side, falling face forward on the ground purposely next to me, breathing as hard as I am. "That was great." I tell him, smiling at him and finally meeting his gaze. He nods in agreement, rolling onto his back and sitting up. Regretfully, and painfully, I do the same, stretching out my arms.

"…What happened? Last night…" He asks me, out of the blue. Considering my mind was just lost in the spar, I had completely forgotten about _that_. I take a glance at him, but then focus on my hands, which were resting on my knees. Swallowing hard, I take a deep breath before answering.

"…" Only to find out I can't answer. I had opened my mouth and everything, but nothing came out. "All I remember…" I practically choked out, my whole throat raw and dry. "Is that it felt really good." Why should I lie? It really had felt good.

"What does that mean? Emotionally, physically, what? Or were you too high on ecstasy to remember?" His voice became cold, as if he were afraid to show too much of himself. I sigh, looking to the side opposite of him. _So he did know I took it…_ "I took it, too." He admitted, the shame in his voice no where near hidden.

"So then, it must've been just the drug, right? I mean… What happened, it wouldn't have happened if we were sober." I conclude, relieved to hear he had taken it too, but also very disappointed. It scared me.

"…Yeah." He agrees, taking a moment to sit in his own thought. My heart began to beat faster and faster, thoughts racing through my head. I don't believe my own conclusion. And there's only one way to find out if I'm right or not. But, in order to find out, I'll have to give up all pride and show Leon a side of me I've never shown before. And also, he may refuse. _But, if he doesn't, I'll finally face how I really feel. Lust? Or could it be more? Am I really that dense, as to not notice before?_ My heart skips a beat. _I need to do this. Without rhyming._

"Squall…" I begin, lowering my head so that my bangs cover my eyes. My wing positions itself so that it covers my side. I could feel his gaze fall upon me, and I sigh, shaking my head with a slight ironic laugh. "How would you feel if I told you I don't believe what I just said?" I ask him smoothly, my eyes now studying my hand. Without looking, I could tell you his reaction. He furrowed his eyebrows, and then raised one, his breath hitching in his throat.

"I… What do you mean?" He was so vulnerable right now… I loved being able to see him like this. I look up from my brooding, looking him in the eyes, from the corner of my eye. His whole body spoke of nervousness, and hope. How could I refuse someone so… Desperate for this, especially when I wanted it too? I smile at him, letting my feelings take control of me now. I let my guard down, there's no more hiding from him.

"There's… Something between us. You and I both know that." I tell him flat out, and then look away from him for a moment. Before I lost my nerve, I gather the rest of the energy I had from the spar, and pounce on him, knocking him onto his back with both of my hands on his shoulders. My legs are now straddling him, and he's looking up at me wide eyed. But, I could tell he enjoyed it. He had enjoyed it a lot, actually. Smirking, I look down at him, my face only inches away from his. "Do you want this?" I ask him, the smirk gone. He looks at me with these excited eyes, and he looks the happiest I have ever seen him. But also, the most afraid. He licks his lips, his hands clenching the grass at his sides.

"More than you know." He answers me back, his whole body now shaking. Timidly, he reaches up to me, touching my wing with his index and middle finger gently. My wing shudders at the touch, and my eyes close halfway as I bite my lip. It was… Intensely enjoyable, and turned me on like hell. I plunge in for a kiss, at first chaste and really meaningful, but that delved into a deeper more passionate kiss quickly. My hands move from his shoulders to his chest, and my hips grind into his happily. The hand that isn't on my wing makes it's way to my hair, running through it, massaging my scalp, and gently pulling on it sensually. I get goose bumps, breaking our kiss for a moment so I could move to take off his shirt. He helps me willingly, then runs his hand up my tank top, sliding it off over my head as well. Getting it off my wing took a little maneuvering, but all in all went over well.

One of his arms went around my waist, pulling me back down to him, and another one came around my neck, drawing that to his mouth. He nipped at it, running his tongue over the patch he would bite. I smile, nibbling his earlobe at the same time he was biting me. Oh, and it was fantastic. His taste, his touch, his smell… I can get used to this. I really can. I forget why I denied it before, but now was just… Intense, and beautiful. _He_ is beautiful. It's funny, this had happened twice within 24 hours… But you know, fate plays your cards funny like that. And who knows… This could be the start to something bigger than I could imagine. There is one bad thing about this though… The thought makes me truly sadden. _Aeris…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Yo**, how are all you guys? Ha ha, sorry for the long updates. This sort of thing takes time. This chapter... Cloud's kind of wishy-washy, and actually quite confusing. Well, I find him confusing. So sorry, but it's how I felt like portraying him. I know he's OOC, as is Leon, but I am doing my best with that. So please forgive. Thanks for all your wonderful reviews. I appreciate it all so much. Hope you enjoy this one!

**Disclaimer: **Nope... Not owning anything yet. No characters... But I am responsible for their actions within this fanfiction.

**Warning:** Male/Male action. Swearing.

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I swallow, fidgeting nervously, my eyes resting on Squall. We're right outside the house again, and I feel numb. Everything, from my head, to my heart, to my aching feet, is numb. And yes, I realize "aching feet" doesn't really signify numb, but they were to the point of no feeling, in an aching sense. Rocks on the ground can do that to you. Everything that had happened… It was incredible, overwhelming. So much so, in fact, that it left me breathless and dry. Dry of emotion, dry of pondering, dry of anything really. Hollow, even.

After the actual act, the atmosphere was comfortable, in a very awkward sense. I… I really enjoyed having Squall there with me, knowing that what we had done wasn't just an act of confusion or lust… It was more. It's knowing he really did care for me, though he had never really said it. He didn't need to. And I liked that. I want that kind of bond, that interaction, but… It's so strange to think about. Even now, I feel strange that I'm admitting to feeling like this. I've never done this before… It's so new. But I'm sure… I want this.

As I'm lost in my own thoughts, he waits patiently for me to make the first move, and actually open the door to go back inside. It amazes me how patient he is. Standing there… Looking as passive as time itself. Everything about him blows me away. Through his cocky, aloof exterior there's a completely different side to him, and I haven't even begun to crack open the shell to know it. So far, it's only been glimpses, but I know there's more to him then meets the eye. I vaguely wonder if he feels the same way as I do right now… So utterly connected to someone, for the first time… It's incredible. The numb feeling I had gained slowly rolls away, just by looking at him.

Realizing I'm staring, I blush a bit and look down, feeling his stone eyes now on me. Instinctively, my eyes meet his, and he gives me a rare, but reassuring, smile. I feel myself returning the gesture, but stop it midway in a weird half smile smirk type thing. I hope he knew what I meant with it, a kind of thanks. I shift my wing slightly, shyly, and bite my lip, turning my eyes away again out of shame. Shame of not being able to face what's in front of me, when that's really not the biggest problem at the moment. Ever since I passed out the one time… I've been paranoid of Sephiroth. Never knowing if he'll show up, when he'll show up, or even how or why. It scares the shit out of me, constantly, and sometimes I find myself waking up in shivers and a cold sweat. Sometimes screaming.

I shift my weight from one leg to the other, biting my lip so hard that I think I taste blood. Squall takes a step closer to me, putting a warm hand on my arm to comfort my unruly thinking in a knowing manner. The warm gesture backfired, though, when it landed on a cut from a hit he had landed earlier during our spar and caused me to wince sharply, moving my arm out of his touch. I watch his eyes trail to my bicep, where the cut resided, and see his hand reach out again as he moved in closer, gently muttering a "cura" right next to my ear, a bright green light emitting from his hand and engulfing the cut, sewing the flesh back together. His hand then roamed over the newly healed skin in gentle touches, making sure there was nothing left of the mark, as the other sneaks behind me, caressing everything it felt. My wing stretched out, enjoying the feeling. It sent shivers up my spine, and made me want to melt in his strong arms.

I fall into his embrace, brushing our cheeks together and letting my hands roam up his rigid back. I feel his entire body sigh and relax, his hot breath tickling my ear. I can't help but smile with the entirely warm feeling I get, leaning my face onto his neck, breathing in deeply through my nose, just to memorize the scent he emitted. His hand moves from my shoulder to the back of my neck, and I lift my head up to look at him. He puts our foreheads together, looking into my eyes with his, which now seem extremely kind compared to what I saw when I first met him. Our noses touch, and he kisses me gently, at first trying to stay chaste, but I run my tongue across his lips and he parts them, deepening it willingly. Under the physical sensations I could feel so much submerged passion, it was electrifying. His touch, his taste, his smell, it was all so intoxicating… I drunk it in, with my heart, my hands, my nose, my tongue. He made me feel more alive then anything I could imagine. I press myself closer to him, moving my hands and lips continuously, the black feathered wing I bear shivering. When it gets to the point where I feel myself quiver and hear him moan, I realize how quickly this can turn into a bad situation.

With a looming feeling overhead, I hesitantly break away from his kiss, gently pushing him away when I open my eyes to find a certain ninja gaping in our direction. _Shit… This is what I was afraid of._ I feel the disappointment in him, but he quickly sees why I had stopped. I look away, blushing intently and trying to hide my embarrassment, all the while trying to catch my breath, my wing lowering itself and folding against my back comfortably. I begin to just walk away, out from the front, down the sidewalk. _Coward._ It was a foreign voice this time, but not unfamiliar. _Soon, we'll meet again._ It stops me in my tracks. I wait a minute, to see if he says anything else, but nothing comes. It's happened every so often since the pass-out incident. Shaking my head to clear it from the eerie voice, I turn around, heading back to where Squall and Yuffie were still standing and talking quietly.

Of course, they stop talking as soon as I get within earshot of them. Both of them look at me, Yuffie with an incredulous look, and Squall in concern. I look off to the side with my head tilted, crossing my arms over my chest. _Good old Cloud, here to avoid any unwanted emotions._ I sigh through my nose. "Cloud… I thought that you cared for Aeris?" Yuffie asks carefully. I shrug.

"I care for her… But…" I felt like I was talking through a golf ball that was stuck in my throat. "It's not the same." _Awkward_.

Yuffie nods, smiling in understanding. "Well… I'm sure she'll understand. But you have to tell her, you know?" I nod, my gaze dropping a bit. "'Cause if you don't, I will." My eyes get wider, then narrow again, one of the corners of my lips turning downward slightly. Her entire demeanor looked smug with my reaction. _God damn, what's gotten to me? I've become… So submissive now._ With that thought, my scowl deepens, and I feel my eyebrows furrowing in frustration. "Are you really that worried?"

"No, it's… Nothing." I sigh, brushing past her to go inside. I felt numb again, but this time it was worse. I couldn't even think straight, not with everything rushing through my head. Inside I was met with the smell of pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and hash browns, all just waiting to be eaten. Padding my way to the kitchen, I take my seat at the table, barely seeing those who were around me. Finally, though, a crushing hug broke me out of my trance.

"Cloud! Haven't seen ya in f'rever, kid!" Cid's gruff voice came from behind a cigarette, and he practically chokes me with his thick arms and smoke. I force out a smirk. "How've ya been?"

"Okay… How about you? How's your new gummy ship coming along?" I haven't seen Cid since I got here, but Squall had explained to me once that he was working on a completely new type of gummy ship, one that you could actually live in if need be. With bathrooms, a living room, and bedrooms, the whole package. Even a kitchen, with a refrigerator and a sink. So, basically he was building a large flying house, to transport yourself from world to world.

"Great! Everything's going according to plan. I'm waiting on some parts though, they were supposed to come in yesterday but never showed up. I called…" At this point I zone out, without meaning to. "that they were sent on time. But I guess some fucktard…" And again, I don't hear him. "assholes. I'm hoping I'll get it done sometime in the next few months." He finally finishes, scratching the back of his head with his right hand, the other on his hip. He had a goofy smile on his face, like he was a kid excited about building a new toy.

"Awesome." I don't quite know what to say besides that, so I figured that would work out for now. He took it well, setting down at the table also, across from me. Aeris finally catches my attention, happily humming over the stove. It saddens me, really. Who am I to break this optimistic girl's heart? When she catches my eye, she smiles at me wholly, moving the eggs from the frying plan onto a plate. _She loves me_.

"So, kid, what've ya been up to? Where were ya, anyway? We tried lookin' for ya." He continues on, trying to strike up a conversation. My wing twitches.

"I wasn't really doing anything important." I look out the window, seeing the sunny day outside. "And the way things went, I ended up coming here to stay. Aeris, Yuffie, and Sq-I mean Leon, found me. Since then, I've stayed here." I hear Yuffie and Squall come in, Yuffie giggling madly about something or other and Leon looking red in embarrassment. Looking to the clock now, I see how we really haven't been gone terribly long. It's only about 11 in the morning… I had gotten up about 7. So, maybe I exaggerated the walk a bit…

"Everyone hungry?" Aeris turns to us, holding out a couple different plates all stacked with food.

"I'll set the table!" Yuffie shouts out, jumping up and punching at the air. My eyes meet Squalls as he sits down next to me, but then are instantly ripped away to look at the oncoming food. I feel guilty, but he should understand. It's only been a couple hours since, I want to be with him, but I just… Need time, I guess. Time to asses everything, to talk to him, and then to Aeris.

Once they get done setting the table and putting the food down, the girls sit and we dig in. It was a kind of fend for yourself, after the cooking was done and everything. "Wow Aeris, you've outdone yourself this time." I give a small smile, in a kind of suck-up gesture. Yuffie raises an eyebrow, but nods in agreement. Aeris blushes lightly, her face full of appreciation.

"D'ya always cook like this? It's amazin'!" Cid adds in, making her blush even more. Squall eats in silence, as always, participating in the "don't inflate people's egos by over-flattery" method. Though, I don't think Aeris could become even the slightest big headed. She's far too kind.

"Thank you all, so much. It was nothing, really." She takes another bite of the hash browns. As for me, that's the only thing I don't put on my plate. I'm not very fond of potatoes, in any form. Yeah… Little weird quirks, you know? Squall has a really strange one… He gets extremely pissed off if you touch his hair. I had found that out through Yuffie… Although, when being intimate he doesn't seem to mind. Letting my mind trail off from the idle chat at the table, I think about how to break the news to her. I don't know what I'm so afraid of, really. There's nothing to fear. Could it be… I'm secretly ashamed? I doubt it, but I guess… You never know. Maybe it's just because she means so much to me… I don't want to lose her, at all.

Just thinking about this morning gives me the chills. It's funny, really. How quickly things change. And now, it seems, the world's gone upside down, and I'm trying to make sense of things again. Even though, it's really not that confusing. It's just all so sudden… And then, what I heard earlier… What if Sephiroth shows up? Ah, this is just all so fu… Squall's face appears in my head, when we were lying side by side after our spar. How warm his eyes were… And suddenly, it all sews itself together for me. No matter what happens, I want him. I want him by my side like that, always. No matter the cost. Yeah, kinda cheesy, but hell. It's true. I adore the way he looks at me.

Now, for the details… I have no idea where to start. But I'm sure, as long as I have him, I can face anything. Everyone, and anything. He gives me more strength then I ever thought I could have… I act strong, but I'm not as strong as I can seem. Aeris opened my eyes to this fact… Once, when I woke up from an old nightmare when she was near. She only did it so that I would open up to her. I ended up crying. It was a humiliating night._ Heh, wow. So much for dinner talk… I think I've almost completely missed the meal_. "Cloud, what's wrong? You've been dazing in and out more than normal…" Aeris asks me softly. My wing twitches again.

"Oh…" I look up at her. "Sorry." I sigh through my nose. I know exactly what I'm going to do now.

After a few days of avoiding people like the plague and finding out every place two full grown men can hide, I finally carry out my decision. In my room, I dress in something comfortable. Simply the black long-sleeve shirt Leon had lent to me the first day here, a whole in the back for my black feathered attachment, semi-claiming the shirt as my own now, and a pair of jeans Yuffie had picked out for me. They already had a hole ripped in the knee, and the bottom was wearing out. Sitting on my bed, I lace up my boots, hearing the creek of my door being opened. "You're leaving, aren't you." It wasn't a question, more of a statement. I freeze a moment, scowling. The tone of his voice. He made it seem so…degrading. I stand up, looking past him as he stood in the doorway to my room. "Please…don't go." He begs. It breaks my heart to hear him like that. I almost consider staying, but… "Stay." I bite my lip.

"I can't." My head lowers with the answer, and my wing twitches.

"…Why?"

"…It's how I cope with change." It's kind of awkward for me to be so honest to someone. The only person I ever truly opened up to before was Aeris. "I'll be back… I promise you." To emphasize my point, I meet his eyes and give him a makeshift but sincere smile. He doesn't look quite satisfied, but convinced. I then take my path to leave, walking sideways past him only to get stopped by him grabbing my wrist gently. I look to him, questioning, and he smiles at me, leaning in for a quick kiss. I comply, pressing my lips to his in a smooth motion, then leave him in the doorway, determined to get out as soon as possible. I really didn't want to leave him, just everyone else. I pass the bathroom and kitchen with no problem, but then there's a little gathering in the living room, which is the way I need to go to get out. I pass by Aeris, Cid, and Yuffie, without a word, hoping they wouldn't notice. Of course, as I open the door to my escape, Yuffie speaks up.

"Cloud, where are you going?" She asks me sincerely.

"Out. Don't worry about me." I answer curtly, and then rush my way out the door, shutting it before she could say anything else, leaving them all behind. Now, I run, with no where in mind to go. I just let my legs take me where they may, the freedom and natural high of running helping me ease my mind. The wing stretches itself out while I run, instinctively. Of course they'll worry about me, of course I'm not safe out here. But I need this… I'm not perfect. Actually, I find myself quite selfish. I don't want them to worry about me, I can take care of myself just fine and all… But I'm glad they do, at the same time. I appreciate it… But, it makes me feel guilty. That, I really can't stand. So I'd rather they don't, so I don't get the guilty aftermath. See? Selfish. Because, really, no matter what, I run away.

I take the first turn I see to the left, getting out of eyeshot from the house. I almost wish I had a gummi ship… Then I could actually leave this world for a while. But, I'm stuck here for now. Good thing it's a decent sized place… Not easy to get lost in, but easy enough to hide away from other people for a bit. I'll be gone… maybe a week. Two, if the urge comes. But, I doubt that it'd be longer than a week. Sadly, I'd miss Squall too much… The thing I hate most about this, is how lovesick I'm beginning to sound. It makes me want to gag, really. I've always abhorred the guys like that, who'd give into anything for their lover at the drop of a hat. And right now, I'm beginning to think I'm turning into that type of guy, fast at that. I can't get Squall out of my mind.

Past the people oblivious on the sides of the roads, and past those who stare at me, wondering either why I'm running, why I have this hideous attachment on my back, or gawking at my looks. Not to be conceited, I really don't think I'm that great looking… I just get a lot of attention from it. Probably from my eyes… They're quite odd. I think they're creepy, but I haven't met anyone who holds the same opinion. A faint ringing buzzes in my ears, but I take it as the noise from the city. Too much noise at once, from too many things going on at the same time. By now, I'm at least half a mile away from the others. Now's the time to think of where I'm going, and where I'll stay. Technically, I could easily rent a hotel room, I have enough money. But… That doesn't sound that appealing. I groan, slowing down to a walking pace now. My wing folds itself up again, once again less noticeable than before. I hear laughing, and birds, cars going by. Normal sounds, and somehow it distracts me from my thinking for a bit. Just listening to the common sounds, eavesdropping occasionally.

Oddly enough, it makes me feel lonely. For once, I regret leaving like that, and actually contemplate going back later tonight. There's only one person to blame for that, and it strikes up a pang of anger in me. Anger, guilt, longing, and…happiness. I stop, looking down at the grey rocky concrete, both arms limp at my sides. I want him to come with me… For us to have some private time, so I didn't have all the confusion of the others around me, and so we didn't have to hide. No distraction, just quality time. Like we had in that field…Well, maybe not _exactly_ like that. I want to talk to him, to get to know him more. I want more. I want _him_. Sighing, I shake my head, ridding of those thoughts, and turn back the other way, starting at a hesitant pace. This is the second time he's made me turn around like that. I look up, stopping again and staring wide-eyed and bewildered. A small noise escapes my throat, and my wing flutters.

"Squall?" He was bent over, arms holding himself, panting a bit even, but his eyes were on me. Straightening up, well above my height, he looks at me with determination, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Since you won't stay…" He averts his gaze, acting quite shyly as he spoke. "Can I…" The question lingered, but was understood. I smile fondly, and out of relief, and then pry his hand out from his pocket.

"Squall, come with me." I tell him, turning around and leading him forward with his hand captured in mine. I think he was surprised, because it took a moment of pulling before he began walking, at first behind me but he quickly caught up to my pace, our hands laced together in-between us. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from the simple affectionate gesture, and can even feel both of our veins throbbing lightly on our fingertips. Thinking back on everything, I'm amazed at how this had started. What I thought was a mistake from an intense drug is turning into something so much better, and so much more promising. Rolling my eyes at my own thoughts, I look over to him, smiling at his obviously happy expression. His chocolate hair hangs in his face, the smile he's wearing even showing in his glittering stone eyes. _God, he's beautiful_. It pleased me to no end that I could have such an effect on the usually cold man, and I simply stare at him in amazement as we walk side-by-side down the street to nowhere. No matter where we go, I know I'll be happy, as long as he's there with me.

I turn my head back in front of me, my mood instantly crashing and burning at the sight before me. The second surprise of the day, this one _very_ much more unwelcome than the first. Cold, conniving bright jade eyes bore into mine, making me freeze in my place. Long, silver hair flowing down the man's back, and a large, black wing similar to mine hovering over his right shoulder. At the thought, my wing stretches itself out also. I growl deep in my throat, clenching my fist at one side, while the other was shaking with restraint. _I hate him_… "Sephiroth…" Leon gasps. Sephiroth smirks.

"Boo."

----------------------------------------------------

Where this is going? Ha. You'll find out. 

And yeah, I finally brought good old Sephy in. I was split between bringing him in the end of this one, or the next chapter, but I figured this one to get things rolling. Cloud and Leon's relationship is finally set up, so... It all works.

Hope you enjoyed!


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